Tag: Healing
Raining
For days
Being stuck in the house
With my nose against the window
Like a caged Cat
Restlessness
Yet nowhere to go
Loneliness
Perhaps
It happens sometimes
With introverts
Strong desire to connect
Yet afraid of making a mistake
Out there
Somewhere
There’s another
Feeling the same way
While it’s Raining
All Paths…
Except the most Direct.
I deleted the number.
Thinking it was correct.
Stinking Thinking.
Gets me in Trouble, every time.
I didn’t memorize the number.
I’m waiting, patiently, on you.
To call and Collect.
Everything that is Yours.
In every Aspect.
Collard Greens, BBQ Chicken, CornBread and Fresh Georgia Peaches.
It’s what’s for Dinner.
I’ll save you a plate.
In sweet, nervous anticipation – of your arrival.
Words – the Secret
Back in the day when I was a younger girl – there was a nursery rhyme that we used to say that was intended to help us deal with people who were hurting our feelings. That nursery rhyme is:
Sticks and s tones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.
I’ve been working with one of my very best cousins – and very dear friend – and tracing some synaptic firings trying to root out some distress that I have been enduring. I realized this morning that I would rather take that beating (and have on many occasions) than have someone sling hurtful words at me. Words can CRUSH a soul. It has been my experience that words, or even the lack of them, can heal or kill.
Words or the lack of them, are the sharpest edge and cut the deepest. Leaving lasting wounds, or healing the deepest of wounds.
In the days when my children were very young, I did not need to spank them – my words or a look could halt whatever it was that they were doing that wasn’t appropriate. I always responded with love and understanding that they were learning. It was my job to teach them what they needed to know to live in the world.
I always laughed and joked with friends and colleagues about my viper tongue.
Vipers are accurate. They will leave you alone unless they feel very threatened. My eldest used to chase them, and it always scared me when he did. I inherited a very strong fear of snakes. Fortunately, for my eldest and me both, he had a wonderful teacher when he was in high school that taught him the various different kinds of snakes. Which ones were venomous, and which ones were harmless and good to have around and which ones would run from him. My eldest shared that knowledge and education with me. My fear of snakes grew less and less as the years have passed.
His favorite to try and catch when we lived in the country was a Coach Whip. Quick, large snakes that didn’t like to be around people too much and will get out of Dodge with a quickness. He would try locate one and chase it to try and catch it. it always proved elusive. He has always been incredibly accurate in his identification of each snake. I am so very grateful he has never been harmed by one. Just never could catch that Coach Whip.
Back to my Viper tongue.
I made it a policy when my children were young that information was power. It was my goal to give them as much information as I could and allow them to make decisions on their own and allow them to fail while they were young, and to provide guidance for correction. That way, when they grew into the wonderful adults I knew they would eventually become, they would be able to make informed decisions. To reap the benefits of those decisions, or to suffer the consequences of those decisions.
It was and continues to be my primary goal to teach them HOW TO THINK, not what to think. There are times when I have done my Job maybe a little too well, and they have out thought me. Which, was the ultimate goal anyway.
I would have to say that I am a fairly liberal parent. I do, however, have very firm boundaries that are no secret to anyone who knows me well. When those boundaries are crossed, my Viper tongue coils up and gives plenty of warning that it’s about to strike. My Rattle begins going off like nuts prior to the strike in self-defense and for self-preservation.
As an animal of lower intelligence, a viper does not feel angst or remorse when it strikes. It strikes, injects its venom and then simply gets the hell out of Dodge.
As a human of higher intelligence and Mother, remorse, angst and regret often follow a self-preservation act of the Viper tongue. As the higher intelligence and more evolved being, I believe it’s my Job to evaluate that act of self-preservation and determine if it was a justified act for the evolution and growth of my children, or if it was in fact, a strike of fear.
As an educated Mother and introvert, I go silent after a Viper Strike. Dealing with my own issues of the encounter, sifting through the events. Sorting through each detail. Identifying any old injuries or traumas from the past and breaking any synaptic firings to replace with fresh, caring and understanding new data. So that those areas of danger can be avoided in the future.
When I have completed that analysis and can look at the data in front of me. I own my part, and have a conversation. The reason that I do it this way is because I want my words to be heard, and incorporated into my children’s psyche’s to carry forward into the future so that there is additional information for them to make Powerful decisions in their lives, and to not make the same mistakes in the future. It is my dominant intention to learn from my mistakes, the first time, and to teach them from that lesson by providing insight into my own psychology, and have them learn from them. As I have.
The apologies for my house have ALWAYS BEEN.
The only apology acceptable – is a change in behavior. Verbalizing the apology and clearly and plainly stating what the apology is for, and then solutions to ensure that the behavior is not repeated. As their Mom, it’s my job to have solutions already worked out in case once is not enough and the lesson needs repeating. Generally speaking, once is usually enough.
Sometimes, as parents, we think we know everything. The trouble with that mindset is – we are still learning ourselves. I’ve never been this age before. I’ve never been this old and young at the same time before. It’s a new adventure in – holy crap – what NOW?
I have very often said to my eldest –
My Greatest Strength is that I know I don’t know everything.
My Greatest Weakness is that I know I don’t know everything.
Being a Super Hero is great. Until it’s not.
Because even Superman has Kryptonite.
So very much LOVE.
Have a very BLESSED Sunday.
I was recently asked…
“What do you want from me?”
In a menopausal spin off – my knee jerk reaction was “Not a God Damned Thing”. I didn’t say it though.
What I said was, Everything.
Now that my Old Lady meds have kicked in and I am more MySelf. I realized the question was to something I have said many times in a previous life.
My answer is:
What I had before, or better.
I’m still here.
Waiting.
I hope to see you soon.
Oh CBD Oh CBD
Have I told you how much I love you lately?
Well. I do.
It’s just me and you from now on. You’ve pulled my Ass out of the depth’s of hell and I absolutely love the way you make me feel all warm and fuzzy. Kicking that old Menopause’s Ass like you did.
Oh CBD …Oh CBD
What else you got In Store For Me?
Hiccup.
No Time
Gotta make a dime
to buy those things
everyone wants
everyone needs
No time, No Time
to smell the flowers
to watch the kids grow
No time, No Time
Gotta make a dime
to buy that phone
to scroll through
text in
no answer from you
No Time, No Time
Gotta make a dime
Gotta buy
that game box
and high dollar tennis shoe
No Time, No Time
Gotta make a dime
to buy Hollister, Abercrombie
Shop outlets, consignments
pretend we paid full price
to fit in or be bullied
by those that do
No time, No Time
Gotta make a dime
To pay the lawyer
to get the kids.
So I can do my Job.
No Time, No Time
gotta make that Dime.
To pay that child support
and social security you enjoy
sitting on your ass
bitching
about the free money rolling in
and how much you don’t have.
No Time, No Time
I’m all out
of Dime
Where in the world…?
Good morning. I hope that this finds you well.
I know I’ve been ‘gone’ for a few years. Quite honestly, I’ve had a total freaking melt-down. I didn’t know if I was coming or going. Most of the last four years I have spent running around in a circle like a chicken with my darn head cut off. I’m on the mend now though and am getting my sea legs back up under me and wanted to share some insights and revelations with you.
One of my sons, Brandt Lilly, said that I should tell our story. I think that’s a great idea. I believe I will begin that story today. He turned 27 in January and is wise beyond his years. I hope in my telling of our story, we both have the courage to continue healing and growing into the human beings that I know we can be.
Brandt started working for his Uncle in construction and was hanging from the rafters helping my brother set trusses in wood framed houses in High Springs, Florida. He was 13 when he began working and hasn’t stopped since. He worked with my brother until he was 16 when he got a job at Moe’s and then got a second job at the Ivy House after my brother’s company was closed until he graduated from high school with a GPA of 3.8. He earned extra money for the things that he wanted to buy for himself. He knows hard work and is not happy unless he is learning something new.
He began working in the security industry when he moved to Orlando at 18 and has busted his tail learning that industry and is now a project manager for SkyNet Technologies in Sarasota, Florida. An up and coming security company. He’s doing great, but his heart is in Construction. For a number of years now he has wanted to be a General Contractor and get his MBA. Due to circumstances beyond his control and his unyielding sense of responsibility to his brothers, and to me, he has put his education and dreams on the back burner. A travesty of the game as far as I am concerned.
He has so much of me in him that it simultaneously makes my heart swell with pride and yet, hurts me that he has put his own dreams and aspirations aside to take care of me and work to help elevate his brothers. A warrior and champion if there ever was one.
I am a very proud Momma.
In addition to being a very proud Momma, I am also a secretary and retired federal administrative officer. I have education in psychology and organizational development. Both have helped me in my career. Though, the real reason I went to school was in order to keep up with my son and his intelligence. He has always been more intelligent than me and was in advanced classes all throughout his academic career beginning in grammar school. I knew that if I did not educate myself – I would not have been able to help him during his foundational years.
Now that he is grown and I have all my Eaglets back in their pew, I am working towards building a clientele for virtual administration so that I am able to kick my young Eagle out of the nest so to speak. I want him to feel free to run down his dreams and grow into the man that I know he is capable of becoming.
I’m going to be updating my LinkedIn Profile in the next few days to reflect the skills that I enjoy and excel in. Ones that can be done digitally and allow us the mobility to work from anywhere. In this technological era, working outside in the sun, under a tree or near a slow-moving stream is healing us from the inside out. Working this way allows us the freedom to put our best foot forward and be available to those who need us yet continue to accomplish taking care of our greatest loves.
May the energy of healing and growth continue as we move forward in our very blessed lives.
Much love and light,
Wendi L. Spisak
Virtual Administrative Assistant
Blog: A Dragon’s Peace
A Dragon's Peace 